melt down in 5,4,3,2,1

I had a melt down. It took almost 2 weeks this time for me to lose it but it finally happened. After my first trip to Haiti the melt down happened within 24 hours of coming home, this time it it took longer but it was harder to process what went on in camp. I yelled and I screamed and Jim was sitting there listening to me. After I sobbed and sobbed and shook until I was done, I sat down and started working on what CAN be done and tried to table my thoughts on what ISN'T being done. I want to start a Foundation. Three other beautiful women and I have talked about it and we're going to do it! It is going to be a foundation that is an advocate for those in need, a foundation that will help others who want to volunteer to be able to afford to volunteer. I don't know if most people understand that to be a volunteer requires more than time it requires more than putting your life on hold it requires money and a lot of it. There are airline tickets, packing supplies, food supplies, transportation, it all adds up. We want to help and this is our way of being able to help.

Sunday 14 March
This afternoon I received a text message from Jordan (our Haitian interpreter and friend)and here's what it said:
"My dear friend Christine. I don't know which word to use in other to explain to you how do I feel since you left Haiti, apologize me for taking too long to write you. I don't know what happens to your e-mail, I can't find you. Please let me know if you find this message. I love you with all my breath. Jordan"

Who can resist this? I cry now writing this because this makes me feel like I made just a little difference in someones life. That's what going down to Haiti is all about, making things a little better for the people. It's what individuals can do - it's tangible.

I get up in the morning and I pull the covers over my head for a while and cuddle with the kitties, I make myself breakfast (after looking at all of my choices) then I choose what clothes to put on, I walk out and get in to my car and do my thing. BH (Before Haiti) I took these things for granted AH (After Haiti) I do not. I am thankful for every breath, for every morsel of food, for every hug from a friend. I think about how easy it seemed to ease in to life at the camp like I've done it all my life.

It was easy to suck it up there! Hot sun, sweaty, hungry, smelly porta-potties, the smell of wounds, and death and vomit. It is sad to see the nurses and doctors cry but good to know the compassion is there. I can't explain how the people and the children with their smiles and their thank you's just make my heart full.

I have spoken to people that I was with in Haiti and we all agree on one thing; Haiti changed us.
Working in Haiti made me a different person. Working in Haiti taught me that I can do anything and I mean anything! Like I said it's easy to just suck it up and do it or to quote my friend Michelle, "Haiti feeds me."